Thursday, 24 March 2011

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: boldly going where it has been before

The latest in the Jack Sparrow franchise is radically original and not a bit like all the other POTC films. Honest

You might think that Pirates of the Caribbean 4 wouldn't need a trailer. After all, the first three films were such commercial juggernauts that this new instalment is guaranteed to become one of the year's biggest films regardless of publicity.

But this is a brave new time for Pirates of the Caribbean. There's a brand new director in charge, and the likes of Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom have been eliminated from proceedings entirely. As a result, Pirates of the Caribbean 4 will be almost unrecognisably different from anything we've already seen, and its trailers must essentially warm audiences up to its bold new visual vocabulary. So what new treats can we expect from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides? Let's pull its trailer apart to find out ...

The baddie will be a stern British man in a powdered wig.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4 will break new ground in the franchise by having Jack Sparrow's freewheeling pirate come up against the stern authoritarian forces of a British man in a powdered wig.

It's the first instance of this in the series, with the sole exception of all the other Pirates of the Caribbean films, where the stern British man in powdered wig was played by both Jack Davenport and Tom Hollander.

A middle-aged British actor will play an evil pirate.

Has a middle-aged British actor such as Ian McShane ever played an evil pirate such as Blackbeard in any of the previous films? No.

Unless you count the time that Bill Nighy played Davy Jones in two separate Pirates of the Caribbean films, in which case, yes.

Johnny Depp will be suspended in the air by some rope.

This is more like it. As the Pirates of the Caribbean 4 trailer aptly proves, Johnny Depp is moving his technique forward by swinging about on some rope in the new film.

This is definitely a new development, if you deliberately go out of your way to avoid the time in the original Pirates of the Caribbean movie where Johnny Depp swung about on some rope.

A pretty girl in some very specific fetishwear will have a sword fight.

Although Penelope Cruz will be playing an almost identical nautically minded female character to the one played by Keira Knightley in the first trilogy, just look at this image. Penelope Cruz is sword fighting. Keira Knightley never had any sword fighting scenes, did she?

Apart from that one in the second film, and probably a bunch of others as well.

A sword will come through a door and narrowly miss Johnny Depp.

Now this is the kind of boldly original stunt that will set Pirates of the Caribbean 4 apart from anything that came before.

Hang on, what's that? It happened in the first film as well? Oh, fine. Never mind.

Johnny Depp's head will spin almost 180 degrees after being slapped by a woman.

It looks as if Johnny Depp is really ... oh, really? The exact same thing? In the first movie? Twice? Oh.

Geoffrey Rush will be in it.

In an impressive casting coup, Geoffrey Rush from the Oscar-dominating The King's Speech will play ... oh, no, actually he'll play the same role that he always does in every Pirates of the Caribbean movie. This bold new visual vocabulary isn't really coming to much, is it? I'm sure I'll find something new, though. Just you wait.

Johnny Depp will pull a funny face.

What do you mean that's all Johnny Depp does all the time in every Pirates of the Caribbean film ever made? Fine then.

There will be a boat in it.

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