As the Breaking Dawn trailer sees the light of day, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson show that true love waits ? then goes at it like the clappers
This is the moment that all Twilight fans have been waiting for. The trailer for Breaking Dawn has been released online, hinting at how the epic teenage vampire saga will end. Or at least it would, had the studio not decided to split the final instalment into two parts.
The epic conclusion will actually come in 2012. That's unless the studio decides that it'd be financially beneficial to keep splitting the second half of the book into smaller and smaller chunks, in which case we should all look forward to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2: Part 1 and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2: Part 2. But for now, let's just concentrate on the trailer for Breaking Dawn: Part 1.
1) The trailer begins with several Twilight characters all receiving a mysterious envelope. As you can see here, Tony Blair and his emo friends have received one. Who are the other recipients?
2) Well, there's Julian Barratt from The Mighty Boosh. He isn't particularly thrilled about it. Maybe he just doesn't like Twilight. After all, he's not a 14-year-old girl or a middle-aged divorcee. Why would he?
3) And, look Taylor Lautner has also got one. Whatever it is, it's made him absolutely furious. What could possibly be in those envelopes?
4) At a guess, judging by this scene, it's a letter from the film studio saying: "Dear Taylor, we know that you want to be taken seriously as an actor now, but don't forget that you're still contractually obliged to get your nipples out in the rain for at least 45% of each Twilight film." No wonder he looks so annoyed. He'll catch his death at this rate.
5) Hang on, no ? it turns out that it's actually an invitation to the wedding of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. But remember that Pattinson is a vampire and Stewart is a schoolgirl who likes to express herself by breathing through her nose quite loudly. Can this marriage work?
6) Apparently it can. Just look at them. It's clear from this image they're deeply in love.
7) And just to make it even more explicit, here's a scene of them having sex. Which is great and everything, but that's enough. We get it. Move on.
8) Really? Now they're having sex next to a waterfall? Not only is this overegging it, but it doesn't seem like a particularly advisable activity either. There's a danger that bacteria in the water could cause some sort of nasty internal infection. And being underwater might compromise the effectiveness of a condom. And you really wouldn't want to get pregnant by a vampire, would you? I mean, that's just asking for trouble.
9) That's better. A bed seems like a much more sensible place for Pattinson and Stewart to consummate their marriage. Remember kids: fun is good, but sensible fun is better.
10) Oh great, now you're pregnant. Did you listen to me earlier? Did you? I told you this would happen. You young people, gallivanting around in waterfalls. You'll never learn. Well don't come running to me when your pregnancy becomes complicated and your vampire husband has to physically gnaw all the way through your uterus to get the baby out.
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2011/jun/06/twilight-saga-breaking-dawn-trailer
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